Sunday, March 30, 2008


Inspired by Jean-Claude Silbermann- a Surrealist Experiment.......
To retain it's freshness, THE SOUL must remain dry. Sterility gauranteed unless THE SOUL is SHADOW, but you can get all other types of infections by re-using your own SOUL. If you have to re-use damaged or open. (For External Use Only). Please dispose of THE SOUL safely. Fill THE SELF all the way up with SOUL and leave it for a full 2 minutes. THE SOUL should be full strength and not watered down. You can not give THE SOUL to your SELF by re-using your own your SOUL bleach it first. If THE SOUL hurts, pull out!! The selling of SOULS is permitted only in closed packages. Do not remove THE SOUL from THE SELF until moment of use. Do not remove the protective SELF until moment of use. Recent studies have shown that THE SOUL may live outside the body at room temperature for atleast 16 hours, but no longer than 4 days. Never carry THE SOUL in pocket as THE SOUL may ignite and cause burn injuries. All SOULS sold in the U.S. meet the same FDA standards for strength and quality. If you want to lose THE SOUL and are 18 years of age or younger, consult a doctor. Rapid SOUL loss may cause health problems. Slide rubber spatula between THE SELF and THE SHADOW to easily seperate them without tearing. Remove THE SHADOW from THE SELF before intial use. Apply THE SOUL to genital area (vary amount of SOUL to achieve desired lubrication). THE SOUL is extremely slippery-clean spills immediately. Take this SOUL exactly as misdirected. Do not skip rope. When using this Soul see important warnings: avoid contact with eyes in nostrils. Avoid feeding suspect breast. Caution: Federal Law prohibits the transfer of SOULS to any persons other than THE SELF to whom it was divined.
© eli Higgins2008


in the 2nd part, "Models" is pronounced mo-dels. "dimey" is pronounced dim-ee. Interested in feedback as this is a part of a larger piece with the same theme as the title, only I haven't quite worked out how to incorporate the other small pieces I've written to cut-up/in and juxtapose with this. Before reading this, note that grammar and all that was of no concern to me as this was a story overheard and retold here to the best of my ability and it takes place in Boston so my main concern was with the language and how it was spoken- mostly in the 2nd part. And also I took some creative license in toning down some of the more sexually graphic parts, which I'm still not sure I shoulda done. Anyway…there's two business men, or atleast what look like business men at a glance, one more toned down than the other to my left and two 20-something white kids behind me, a little rough looking, some street in 'em- 2 boston townie project kids for sure.

Eavesdropping on the 66 bus from Harvard Sq. to Dudley Station (unfinished)

"What I wanna know is why."
"Everything else makes sense but that."
"How could everything else make sense, if the why…the reason- the motive? doesn't at all."
"From a certain perspective it runs like a playbook. Everything…and everyone in the right place, all done at the right time, and at the right place…and in the exact right amount of time."
"So what's the problem then?"
"It doesn't make sense. The why- it makes no sense whatsoever. I've looked at it from every angle and I can't see even one possible-"
"Right, the reason, the motive."
"Why, exactly?"
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to be satisfied with what you have. The why…it's really of no concern to you."
"But ofcourse it is, I have nothing without the why. It's my biggest concern."
"Look, the why is for me. The why stays with me. I am nothing without the why. It's my biggest concern."
"It's that important?"
"Isn't the why…the reason, the motive? Always that important?"
"It is. But in this case it's more than important, it's everything- without it… I have nothing."
"Exactly? Why?"
"You have everything you need, but it all adds up to nothing?"
"The why. Because. It. All. Adds. Up. To. Nothing."

---- ----

...and so I sees her across the bar, right? And we make eye contact, and I'm just not- I just can't believe that this like totally feroucious little vicious, sex-pot kitten is locking eyes with me! so I – and if I hadn't had 3 bourbons, an two carbombs in me there's no way I woulda even had the balls, cuz this turned out to be one ballsy chick for sure, kid- but so there's an empty seat at the table I'm at so I just pat the table three times- oh man, if you only coulda seen the pure, dominant, sexual power blazing outta those eyes, fuckin laser beams man- fissured my head. hey- I couldn't look away, man, she had me dead to rights. so I patted the table three more times and motioned for her to come over-

And she did?

Yeah she did- and that's when the fear set in, like when you see 'em hit the blue and whites in the rear-view and you know the next stop's gonna be bunkin up Nashua St. with two yimstick cellies and then up to the Bay, and so

You can run but you can't hide?

Yeah you're right, so what am I gonna say to this…this dime piece, this Venus in this little black lacey dress with sequins and that glitter, glossy-wet lipstick and just the smallest sprinkle of sparkles and freckles round her eyes. I mean, I was dead…in…the…water. I'm racking my brain for something smooth or witty- anything to say but "what's a girl like you doing in a dive like this"

So what'dja say?

Fuckin kills me too, cuz I had the most perfect line, a line without being a line- I got it from this French film I caught on IFC, wrote it down and everything- memorized the motherfucker, but my minds a blank

The fuckin French have all the lines…so what'dja say?



Yeah, nothing. I just locked eyes with her again- they were like crushed diamonds and held me with this cool but intense kinda stare, whatta rush, my heart was like in the cartoons- BA-BOOM BA-BOOM! doin those like sling-shot boomerangs outta my chest and back, my eyes all pinwheel spun- the friend I came with had gone out for a smoke and left his whiskey on the table, untouched, so I just slid it on over to her and said, "what you drinkin?" And she says whiskey- never breaking eye contact.

Wow, kid- I think you're my hero…so what'd she do?

Whattaya mean what'd she do? Just like that she downed the whiskey and then her cell rang. If there's a god- he/she/it whatever made that Pusherman cell ringtone ring cuz I had no clue where to go after she slammed that shot glass down. So she's on with her girlfriend and they're talking shit about work, turned out she worked promotions for camel-

No way! The chick who scans yr license and gives you a free lighter? She usually at the Silhouette or Models right?

That's the one.

You are the man, bro! no doubt you're my hero- that girl's so fine….I tried a line on her at The Roxy one time and she shot me down cold

Yeah, that's her alright, crushed diamond eyes like two blue bullets, and I bet you took two in the chest, huh-

No. more like two in the heart the way she shot me down. Soooo Cold.

So anyway they're talking shit and we're eye ballin each other and damn kid she got those bedroom eyes- sultry, and twinkling like tinsel and those colored candy canes hung on Christmas tree lights and she takes my hand and looks at my ring real close, like-

Which one?

This one, the silver skull, then she fingers this barbed wire bracelet here and she whispers, "you're so viscious". And her friend must've heard and asked what she was doing cuz she goes, "oh, nothing, just talking with a cute boy"

"A cute boy?" she said that shit? you musta been thinkin' score all the way, huh ? all gift wrapped and with a bow on top.

No I was thinking keep talking keep talking, please please god please keep her on the phone- I mean my head is literally empty of any and all thoughts at all, it was like my brain melted. I swear to god, I almost said, "baby, you effect me like a tonic" you know, from Double Indemnity? No you probably don't…So anyway, finally she hangs up and for like 10 seconds I don't say a word. Then I just blurt out "vicious?" you're the raddest, most sweeter than a zebra cake chick I think I ever seen, and she just looks away and then back again real quick, like 'that's the best you can do?' cuz she knows it, she knows she's a kill kill little pussycat, and so I fumble and again I ask her "what're you drinking" and she knows she's got me sweatin, she knows she's got the advantage cuz just then a hint of a mischievous smile plays across her lips and she says in this real sweet, soft voice "whiskey, remember? Strait up" and hands me her glass and when I go to take it she says "lets go out back for a smoke." "You smoke?" "Ofcourse," I say- "and I'm a Camel boy too- Turkish Golds all day, what about you-" "Marlboro lights." "You telling me you work promoting camel cigarettes and smoke-" and she cuts me off, "you say slutbutts and I'll fucking kick yr ass and don't think I won't, I got in a fight with a dude at models last week, he slapped me after I told him to fuck off jerk and I broke his nose, gave him a little mouse under his eye too" and I believed it, she was all rock star, I'm talking off the hook-hot. so I just said, "traitor" and she laughed and lead me out the back door where there's this like wooden-fenced in smoking area and no one's out there, only time I was ever alone with a girl and wished there were some other dudes around- bars packed and not one person's out there-

What about your boy you went in with?

That's a security question, kid.

C'mon man

Alright, it don't matter now anyhow cuz it never came off- we'd went in there to case the place- the night before we were in there downing pints of Pabst Blue for a buck and he saw the bartender drop the drawer in the safe. This cheesy, chintzy little thing- easy peezy pickin' s for anyone knows how to peel a safe, and danny, he did, he was no master safecracker but his cousins were criminals all down the line- cutting holes in the roofs of drugstores when he was 10, throwin rocks at his bedroom window to wake him up and lowerin him down on a rope with a map and list of what narco's and benzo's to get.

Ahh, the good shit, haha! (laughing)

What'd you think they were gonna take? Baby lax and Rolaids? Straight junkbombs, his whole family- they turned him onto a 100 valiums which he got caught sellin 'em in school the next day, but you think he rolled? No way, kept his mouth shut, 10 years old an got the principal, vice principal, cops breathing down his neck and what's he say? "found 'em in the park" so anyway, They schooled him in peelin safes. Good kid, solid kid, solid as they come and'd steal anything that wasn't bolted to the floor and some shit that was. So he took one look at this safe and knew it was all him. it bein wednesday night we planned it for Saturday. the plan was and where he took off to was to scope out the hiding place we found where he could chill while the bar closed up and everyone left, the bartender last, locking up. We had a box we'd grabbed out Castle Island and my job was to be parked around the corner and once he peeled it and bagged up the cash he'd radio me over the Nextel and I'd pull down the street, run up, hit the window with the hole punch- looks just like a pen, but put it right up against the glass, and clickity-clack the spring-wound steel bit shot out would spider-web crack the window without a sound, then you just push the glass in and danny's an me are in the box with the weekend take, burn up the box somewheres later. You gotta remember this was on a main street, cops everywhere, but we timed the patrols at 4am, the perfect time cuz the bars close at 2 and the buses don't start running till 5 on a Sunday so there'd be no one around.

What happened?
Well if you'd let me finish this fucking story I'll tell you. now remember, it's Friday, the night before….so me and the smoker an I mean fuckin 4 alarm fire fuckin smoker are out back, we each got our competing brand butts dangling from our lips and I go to light hers and either my goddamn lighter or my fingers won't work-
But she's Camel-girl, got like 20 camel crack torches in her bag why'd-

Hey man, jesus- a gentleman always lights a lady's smoke for her, before he lights his own- shit, don't you know anything?

Hey bro, just cuz you scored a dimey don't make you a gentleman- remember you were still getting high and just off the street at the time and staying at that Farrington Flophouse? so don't get all George Clooney on me with that gentleman shit…

Whatever, flophouse or not- and hey that bed bug infested room was 3 bills a week- and but she didn't know any'a that, and later when she found out? my being an ex-junky and doing scores? it just turned her on even more-

You told her about scores?

No, no way you crazy? I just told her enough to keep her panties wet- she told me that you know- that I made her wet, that she knew she shouldn't be with me, that I was trouble, "a criminal" she'd say with her lips slightly parted, bedroom-eye-fucking me,

There's so many chicks like that, it's like when I was-

Damn man, will stop interruptin, can a nigga catch a break? I'm trying to tell you a story here- an a good one too- but yeah, yr right, she was one of those, jailhouse groupie- sometimes she'd wanna go out and I'd tell her I couldn't, I mean I could've- all I'd be doin is playin spring ball on my tracphone all night while danny's on a crack binge putting chairs up against doorknobs pacing the floors burning anything that might look like a little crumb a crack he mighta missed an pissin in the sink cuz he don't wanna get taken hostage by the queen with the pink dreads' that lives next door and's nice enough but always seems to be out in the hallway every time you need to take a squirt and'll stand with a shoulder blockin your way while he's telling you bout how he forgot to lock the bathroom door this one morning an the guy down the hall room 213 just came on in an took himself a nice long steamin hot shit while the poor prick's tryin to figure out what to do and scrub his nuts at the same time, so "lock the door" he says, "I'm surprised he didn't jump in the shower with me and smash one out, the fucker!" (both laughing)
Ahh...ha-ha...oh shit... (recovering from laughing) so, no- the chair's up against the door and I'm watchin Spanish television all night cuz the fuckin room only gets 3 channels and the other two are the catholic channel and bravo, and I'd rather watch Madre Luna or Jugando Con Fuego all night than watch some diddler with a blackboard just got done pullin a B & E above the knee on some altar boy or have to listen to tim gunn's nasally pompous-ass fuckin flamethrowin-voice. (both laughing again) But no, just to play the game I'd tell her I had to meet somebody about somethin- and she'd ask what I was gonna do- and I'd tell her, listen I can't tell you- not because I don't want to but because 1. I don't wanna make you no accessory after the fact- and 2. because I know you tell yr best friend over there everything-

You mean the other camel girl? the one that looks about eleven-teen and just fell outta the ugly tree?

Yeah, her- and then what if we get in a fight or something and the next thing I know I'm on the five o'clock news cuz yr friend can't keep her mouth shut- and that just made her even hotter. You think make up sex is good? Well that's nothing compared to the night after you let this type-girl stew, thinking you're out all night breakin legs or hijackin trucks cuz she seen Goodfella's too many times. Shit I'd play games like that all the time.

Your devious, kid, I love it!

hey, she knew what was up, she knew what she'd gotten into and playin the game was half the fun for her. I mean I told her straight up the first time she asked that night in the bar, if she should trust me or not- I told her my history with dope and I told her I was no model- tax paying citizen and that was all I could tell her, if she could trust me? Definitely, I may be a criminal but I'm no cheat.

"You're a thief and a liar"
"I only lied about being a thief", right, like that?

Just like that- and I didn't even lie about being a thief. I mean she knew I was no pick-pocket-purse-snatcher, I told her up front, no one gets hurt, and civilians are off limits.

Yeah, you never lifted a wallet?

Are you gonna stop interrupting and let me get to the good shit? first click'a the bick, and then lights mine. so i'm shaking a little and she says all husky and way flirty, putting her finger across my upper lip, "darling, are you shaking" at which point my mind promptly left my body and my brain left my mouth speechless. All i could think to do, and it turned out to be the move of all moves was I took her hand and put it flat up against my chest. "your heart's racing!" she says, an i go "that's you doin that"

Oh shit! Bet she-

Bet right she did, kid! Put the fuckin fireflies in her belly! Hey- later on? She told me when i did that? when she felt my heart like that? She said she'd never had a guy make her so wet- wait... "soakin" wet, without doin anything. And so she takes my hand drawing it down between those perfect champagne glass glittering cleavage tits all pushed up in that tight dress, no bra, nipples dark brown and just as stiff as I was when she runs my finger over them underneath that lacey dress…. Then, get this, she pushes my head down between her legs. First thing, I had those soaked little white cotton thongs down around her ankles and I'm just all over it, furiously tongue slapping wet clit, my one hand holding her heel as she stood there my face just buried in her pussy, two fingers in deep, working it out good, an man- god she was gushing- sooo hot and wet, an I'm lick lickin' that lollipopalicious ass- back and forth- rolling my tongue from her ass to her pussy, back up to suck on that swollen clit- I mean this chick was boy-toyin me, dominating me- it was all her from jump, right off the rip I never had time to make a first move, now that's all woman in my book and she's like humming more than moaning, purring something beautiful that i couldn't really hear. Everything was muffled sounding- i noticed this as i saw the cigarette I'd forgetten about, that'd been behind my ear the whole time's now crushed and broken in two beneath her heel as she's squeezing her thighs against my face.


Yeah man, I mean not only was this girl funkedelica-lolliipopalicious, she was coolicious, bombalicious, fucking daffyduckalicious- and those were some tight, gym membership type tight sexy legs, kid- smooth and all creamy curves too, porcelain skin. So I come up bringing her dress up around that white-peach ass with me and pushed her against the wooden fence kissing her deep my lips all slick an sticky with cum- and she's lifting her leg up and around my ass unzipping my pants, and all she keeps saying is, "we can't do this! We're out back of the bar! We're in the bar out back of…of a bar! I don't do this! I've never done this before! We cant do this!" And just as she's grabbing my cock and my mouth and tongue are all over her neck and earlobes and she's moaning, "oh, that's the sweet spot, you got the sweet spot! Oh, you got the-" she up and changes tone like barkin orders at me now, no more moans and sweet-soft playful voice and batty eye lashes- not now, now she's the boss and it's all down to business, "Fuck me fuck me fuck me now!"

No more "sneakin sally through the alley," huh?

Nope, "up popped the queen"

Not only that but just then this Mexican bar back buss boy comes out for a smoke and takes one look at us, "oh mi dios" turns around and shut's the door behind him. I fucked her like it was the last fuckin fuck of my life up against that fence, till the bar closed, and when I was gonna cum she told me to tell her, I figured she didn't want a big mess all over her dress, but when I did she got down and sucked out every goodie goodie gum dropalicious, I swear I came so hard it hurt! (both laughing) my hands and face were numb, my lips and fingertips tingling. we had heard last call, and her boyfriend'd been callin on her cell phone like over and over, and in between each breath getting pushed out every time I hammer into her, slammin her back hard up against the creaking fence she goes, "fucking loser! Stop calling me!" and just drops the thing and steps on it. That was our first date.

Fuckin' shit, man that's like outta penthouse forum!

Kid- I know. I mean I was swoonin' all over this girl, and she like takes me out back "for a smoke" and just puts me to work, fulfilling the function she needed done that night. Damn, she was something else- knocking dudes out one week, rapin 'em the next. I mean, after that? I respected her like I would another gangsta runnin' partner, you know. And, but still, I also know that'll probably never happen to me again, ever- it was like a dream. Totally other-worldly. When we were done? just as the bartender came out to make sure everyone had gone and got all pissy at us for still bein there, we apologized and walked back out the bar and who's there? Waitin like the poor puppy-dog little chump he is? her boyfriend! I couldn't believe it, this off-the-hook-hot dimey and she's with this herb? And the best part? As they're walkin off I could see her adjusting her dress from behind, the boyfriend red-faced jealous like a motherfucker but what's he gonna do? he's a herb and he knows his girl just got her brains fucked the fuck out behind a bar by some kid she just met- he could smell it all over us. I light up a smoke watching them walk up the hill and she turns around and yells down to me, "call me tomorrow I get off work at midnight. Oh wait…I got no phone…I'll call you." And she did. Two days later. But it didn't last. Fantasies never do. There was no love there, just pure lust. And need.
But, and that's when I saw it. When we sat on the bar all night waiting, watching, that previous wednesday night and seen them close up and leave, they forgot to pull down the gates. But that night, the night we before we were gonna do this score, I watched the two bartenders pulls down the three metal gates and padlock 'em, sealing off the place like a fuckin fortress, which if Imogen-

Yeah, that was her name…

Imogen? Huh, I never heard that one before-

Well if Imogen had never taken me out back and given me the fantasy dream fulfillment of a lifetime, danny woulda been trapped in that bar, the safe peeled, busted wide open, and a sack full of cash waiting like a sittin duck for the bar to open the next day, talk about a bad hit! and the only way he coulda got outta that one woulda been ugly, haymakers and elbo's and worse being thrown and woulda ended us both in the can, probably up-state for a good long time too. But you know what? even if the score coulda went off as planned? to tell you the truth, man, I'd take that fucking mad kinky wild, wet raw animal fuckin with that blazing-hot sphinx of a horny goddess over however many 1000's of dollars woulda been in that safe, any day. In a heartbeat.
___© eli higgins 2008